As a mediator, to the question, \u00abWhat do you expect from this mediation?\u00bb I frequently hear the response: \u00abI want everything to go back to how it was, to the very beginning.\u00bb (This is, of course, only heard when two colleagues have had a serene and fruitful collaboration for a period of time.) I understand this response; it's reassuring because we know the past well, we've already lived through it. And then, the past is systematically and unconsciously idealized when we're experiencing a complex and seemingly unsolvable conflict situation: yes, it was definitely better before, when I wasn't suffering... when we talked and laughed together... This \u00abbefore\u00bb that the mediated parties talk to me about is surrounded by an idyllic aura, even if it wasn't actually like that.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
What this response above all reveals is a visceral fear of change and therefore of the unknown. In my practice, many mediated parties refer to their \u00abexcellent\u00bb past collaboration, and the best thing for them would be to go back in time. However, if there is one essential thing to learn from any conflict, it is that it is meant to make us move forward, not backward. Yet this past-oriented mindset either slows down the process with passive resistance that paralyzes potential co-construction, or outright poisons it with unrealistic wishes aimed at regaining past harmony or complicity.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It\u2019s impossible to rebuild a relationship exactly as it was; it will inevitably be different, if only because conflict sometimes leaves scars. What I\u2019m trying to convey, however, is that \u00abdifferent\u00bb doesn\u2019t necessarily mean worse; it means new, different, and, yes, of course, unfamiliar. Let\u2019s not forget that 92% of our fears are unfounded: in fact, only 8% of our fears are based on a concrete threat; the rest are irrational. After the destruction caused by conflict, everything must be rebuilt. This requires a healthy dose of self-reflection and adaptability. So, let\u2019s gather our courage and dare to explore the unknown. Who knows\u2014maybe it has some wonderful surprises in store for us?<\/p>\n
\u200d<\/p>\n
Sharon Adler<\/p>\n
Mediator, Negotiator, Trainer, Coach, Speaker<\/p>\n
Founder of N\u00e9go-M\u00e9diation, a Human Relations Facilitation Firm for Business Performance<\/p>\n
Geneva \u2013 Lausanne<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To the question \u00abWhat do you expect from this mediation,\u00bb I frequently hear the answer: \u00abThat everything goes back to how it was, to the very beginning.\u00bb<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-actualites"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1271","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1271"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1271\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1279,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1271\/revisions\/1279"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1271"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1271"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.negomediation.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1271"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}